On Comforting the Grieving

I have been listening to Keller preach through Job. And he is so helpful. For example, how should you comfort the grieving? "With truth and tears" he says. And he gets this from Jesus' different reactions to Martha and Mary as they deal with the death of Lazarus.

Truth

As Jesus enters the scene, Martha comes up to him and says "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died," (John 11:21). Jesus responds with truth: "I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die," (25). So Keller would say that when you are with the grieving (or when you are grieving) part of your response must be to speak biblical truth to them.

Tears

When Mary approaches Jesus, she says to him the same thing Martha said, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died," (32). But Jesus' response this time is very different:

When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to him, "Lord, come and see." Jesus wept. (33-35)

Jesus is not weeping for Lazarus. He knows he will rise again in moments. He is weeping with those who are in mourning. Accordingly, you must weep with those who weep.

What is unhelpful and callous is all truth and no tears. But on the other hand, what is unhelpful and unedifying is all tears and no truth. You must bring both to the grieving (and yourself).